Ebony & Ivory – Bhangra Remix (yes, you read that right…)

I’m obviously overworked and slightly delirious, but I have taken it upon myself to remix that seminal 1982 opus by Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder. In a bhangra style (but of course…).

Well, to give some context at least before you release the hounds. Every year in London town for the last five years, Sanjay (late of Bangalore) and Robert (late of somewhere very Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil) host a Hallowe’en party entitled Ebony & Ivory (one is Caucasian, the other is less so – see what they did there?).

Both are darlings (darling!) and they very kindly asked if I would DJ this year for them. At first – and I don’t shirk from saying so – I was afraid, I was petrified. The poor dears seem to have the impression that I actually can DJ, and despite my protestations, they still asked if I would do it. Hell, I’m cheap (and I don’t need to tell you that their words of encouragement were along the lines of “We don’t give a shit if you just plug your iPod in”) and a bit of a ham, so, reader, I said yes! I can pretend to be a DJ in London as well as anyone can, and what better way to mark my first weekend as a bonafide Lahndener!

Then came the ‘requests’. Apparently, as they are such wags and have such a penchant for the obvious and literal, they are simply insisting that I play Ebony & Ivory. Every (I shit you not) hour. EVERY HOUR (my ‘set’ is from 10 til 2 – that’s FOUR times…).

Ebony & Ivory, as any fule kno, is a langorous 81 bpm. That’s pretty much a healthy peson’s heart rate. It is not designed for jigging and shape-throwing to. Perhaps a middle-aged unironic sway, but that’s about it as far as dancefloor action goes.

What to do?

After thinking about the prospect of playing this fucker FOUR TIMES (at least), I hatched a plan. Find a funky house remix online.

Nowt there.

How about a mashup?

Nope.

iTunes has some really annoying Frenchie cover, but it’s actually worse than the original. Yes, it is. We also have a scary number of panpipe versions (oh, you fucking betcha).

So, faced with the prospect of playing the straight version and clearing the dancefloor every hour on the hour, I took drastic action. I just sped the fucker up, slapped some bhangra loop behind it every now and again and had some Indian gentlemen holler something I don’t understand.

It’s raw (I prefer the term ‘endearingly amateur‘) but, feck it, if nothing else, it’ll get the Bangalore boys’ attention!

Download (you are totally responsible for your actions unless you are drunk and even then I can’t be held responsible) Ebony & Ivory (Daddy or Chips Bhangra Remix) by Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder. [mediafire link, 320kbps 8MB mp3]

Oh dear….

(How do I disable comments on this post? Srsly…)

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13 comments

  1. doktohkitteh

    oh my, i dont know what to make of it. different.
    that said i think you did remarkably well considering the inherent difficulty. tres bon.

  2. travellingbut not in love

    OK. So you’re not starting with a great song are you? I forgot how bad this really is – but the bangra beat does add a little ‘je ne sais quoi’…..it’s interesting, is what it is. Please make it go away now.

    “side by side on my piano, keyboard, oh lord, pass the razorblades…..”

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