“Dear employees. Some of you will be fired, because we’re broke. This is crap for me, but much more crap for you. I like some of you, and some of you are really good at what you do. Even if you don’t fall into either of these categories and are a real waste of space and time, it is not nice to be fired. There are various very good economic reasons for this move that involve dull words you might find in a PowerPoint presentation. If you want to hear them, email me. But I’m assuming you don’t care. We will give you as much money and help as we can when we fire you. But it will almost certainly be less than you’d hoped and not enough to placate your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend. Sorry. Also, no you can’t take any office equipment with you. And please try not to cry, as it will set everyone off and make an already dreadful event even worse.”
More over at The Guardian.