What Cardinal Javier Lozano Barragan *really* meant when he said that gays won’t go to Heaven

Week after week, it’s a different cock in a frock rolled out to say something nasty about the gays, so it was with rolled eyes and resignation that I read the headline Gays ‘will never go to heaven’: cardinal. But then I stopped in my tracks. Let’s not tar this chap with the muppet brush too hastily…

Last week we learned all about the concept of ‘mental reservation‘ in the Catholic Church; a neat little trick that allows people such as the otherworldly Cardinal Desmond Connell to have a blemish-free conscience when allowing people to believe that which is not strictly true (kinda like when you were a kid and you believed that it was ok to tell porkies if you crossed your fingers behind your back).

This got me thinking. Surely Cardinal Javier Lozano Barragan (me neither) couldn’t really believe that the GLBTs couldn’t get into Heaven? Surely a man of his education wouldn’t baldly state something like homosexuality is as a result of an ‘education issue’ or an identity disorder stemming from adolescence? I checked the calendar; it is indeed almost 2010 – so how can we explain his rather fruity statement?

Mental reservation of course! Let’s look more closely at his statement. The bits he certainly reserved mentally are in square brackets (more manly than those faggy roundy ones {and don’t get me started on the frankly outrageously camp squiggly brackets…}).

VATICAN CITY — Homosexuals and transsexuals “will never enter the kingdom of heaven [without a red carpet]”, a leading Roman Catholic cardinal said on Wednesday.

Cardinal Javier Lozano Barragan said that while the Church regarded [outmoded notions of the wrongness of] homosexuality as an “insult to God”, this did not justify discrimination against gay and transsexual people.

“Transsexuals and homosexuals will never enter the kingdom of heaven [without a red carpet, paparazzi and some kind of Cirque du Soliel thing happening]  and it is not me who says this, but Saint Paul [the Bible’s very own prolific spambot] ,” the cardinal said, in comments reported by the Ansa news agency.

“People are not born [fabulously] homosexual, they become [beautiful, divatastically] homosexual, for different reasons: education [about grooming] issues or because they did not develop [unhealthy relationships with the handsy parish priest who obviously had some issues with] their own identity during adolescence. It may not be their fault, but acting against [their fierce beeatch] nature and the dignity of the human body is an insult to God [or ‘Tyra’ as we sometimes call Her],” he said.

There, I hope that clears it up. I think with this mental reservation concept, the Church will be able to get away with, well, just about anything now! Hurrah!

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13 comments

  1. Labi Siffre

    Jesus condemned adulterers & never mentioned homosexuals. Strange that Cardinal Javier Lozano Barragan, the Vatican & the Pope disagree with Jesus in this. (I’m Tweetable)

  2. Me

    Cardinal Javier Lozano Barragan I bet you have strong gay feelings and thoughts and just hate that you can’t act on it because of your beliefs and that makes you angry at people who are brave to live that way freely or just A jerk who wants to be god. Cardinal Javier Lozano Barragan reminds me of the guy on THE OFFICE show Dwight, how he acts to support his boss.

    We live 1 life and we must be happy!

    so Cardinal Javier Lozano Barragan GO TO HELL with your ignorance!!!

  3. Janneke

    Oh man am I glad to be gay, imagine, if I ever went to heaven and met that horrid man, and Ratsy, and all other paedophiles and closetqueers
    in such purple dresses and red garters with golden dildos. Yakke-dooh!
    This is the best news I ever got. Free at last as soon as we gays pass.

  4. anon

    (1) You are incorrect about the mental reservation comment.
    (2) You Cardinal actually did not express the official teaching of the Church.

    • eguinan

      (1) Maybe so, anon. However, the Church authorities used this concept to deceive those who trusted them. Instead of doing what was morally right, they cynically used elaborate legalistic concepts to excuse themselves from acting to protect those that had been violated while allowing themselves a loophole to get away with it. Such bald cynicism is truly shocking.
      (2) What’s your point?

    • eguinan

      Thanks Radha. I’m not a believer at all, but one would think that the people who run these religious organisations would be able to grasp the fundamental principles of respect and love. Maybe I’m just naive! 🙂

  5. Alex

    Jesus said: “Beware of the scribes and Pharisees who walk around in long robes to be greeted with respect and have the best seats in the synagogues.”
    You may be dressed in a long red robe Barrigan, but you have no respect whatsoever with the anti-gay comments you are making. Even Jesus never condemned gay people. Every issue that was brought to him in the gospels by the scribes and Pharisees like you was countered with LOVE.
    And when will the church start listening to science? Gallileo who was excommunicated for saying the earth was round, now science officially says homosexuality is a part of nature. Wake up, church!

    Alex

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